Prague hucksters

Spammers suck. If you’re a blog spammer who happened to come across this while taking time off from sucking, please do the rest of us good people a favour and hang yourself. Better yet have yourself hung, drawn and quartered ??? I’m sure you can find some people in Slovakia who will be more than willing to do it for you*. Really. Piss off.

Ah, nothing like a Monday morning hangover to get the ol’ vitriol flowing. Went out with fellow Tragically Hipster Tom last night. It had been ages since we last met, so we ended up chatting a lot later than either of us had originally planned. Had a good time reminiscing about some of the hucksters we’ve encountered here. Prague hucksters are always good for a laugh and usually a few ‘free’ drinks, sometimes even a meal, thanks to the Barter Deal. They tend to be pretty easy to pick out of a crowd as they’re the ones talking the loudest and drinking the most, networking manically. A brutally carved smile, wild jittery gesticulations, and always a vague to obvious flame of guilt, pain, or fear flickering in their eyes. In general they’re pretty good at selecting cheap suits, ties and shoes (which they wear like a uniform, like monks or soldiers), but there are also those who somehow get by in t-shirts and jeans.

Prague huckster bullshit is fairly consistent ??? they’re either organising “charities” or they’re interested in building bridges between (insert huckster’s country of origin here) and the Czech Republic. They organise mixers and soirees and smooth-talk gullible, kind hearted folk into doing a ton of donkey work in order to pull the things off. There’s usually a discount on a few types of drinks, there’s a cover charge, and if there’s live entertainment, it’s usually somebody the organiser knows ??? somebody unknown and willing to do the gig for ‘exposure’.

Ah, then there’s the Barter Deal. More bullshit. You mean in exchange for the use of my (advertising, DJing, catering, promoting, etc.) services I can put a banner up in the men’s crapper? I’m all ears! If I donate that many thousand to your cause you’ll put a shit-quality jpeg of my company’s logo in the back pages of that magazine of yours that nobody reads? Hold the phone, where do I sign!? You’ll buy me a cocktail for that press release I spent hours revising because of your nitpicking? Better make it a Long Island Ice Tea, mate ??? double, hold the cola.

The last time I did work for one of these personal fundraisers I actually had to pester the huckster to get my drink ??? a beer and a shot of tequila in exchange for a press release. The only reason I did the work in the first place was because a very good friend of mine who was involved with the organisation asked me to (this friend works for an ad agency ??? guess what he was being used for). My mate was starting to get up with the organiser’s bullshit as well, so he ended up badgering the huckster into buying both of us LITs ? not doubles, mind you?

The huckster tried pitching his nonsense to me, but could tell I wasn’t buying into it and never asked me for another favour again. I’m not sure if my mate is still involved in the organisation ??? I kind of doubt it because he never mentions it these days.

Sorry about being non-specific about names and organisations, but I’d just rather keep things anonymous. Anyway, this was supposed to be about me and Tom hanging out last night, but I suppose that’s all for today. I could also mention how much the Chodov shopping mall blows for men’s clothes (like the rest of Prague, though I did find some nice overpriced stuff at the Mexx on Na Prikope on my way to the bar yesterday), as I discovered yesterday afternoon while shopping with Jitka, but I’ve already griped about that subject. And this entry has gone on long enough ??? now I’ve got to get back to my damn history essays, a job that has really started sucking, bigger than big time.

Though nothing sucks as bad as blog spammers, who should do all of humanity the courtesy of ending their miserable intrusive lives, now.

*Of course I’m not being serious. Of course there isn’t a town in Slovakia where horny young backpackers get kidnapped and tortured by degenerate millionaires. From what I heard at U Zpevacku yesterday that all goes down in Cesky Krumlov.

Apr 3, 09:39 (Filed under: People, Out and About in Prague )

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  1. now what did you hear in U Zpevacku? Should I have been warned??
    How’s the leg?


    Richard    Apr 3, 14:35    #
  2. u Zpevacku will to close next week.

    — Honza    Apr 3, 16:02    #
  3. Hi Richard. I was being cheeky – Cesky Krumlov plays the role of Bratislava in Eli Roth’s Hostel.

    The leg’s better, thanks, still acts up during long World of Warcraft sessions though…

    Honza, thanks for the info, but I think I would have heard something about U Zpevacku closing next week… then again, I didn’t hear anything about Marquis re-opening, or U Hasicu being replaced by another Dog’s Bollocks. Care to elaborate?

    Patrick    Apr 3, 16:13    #
  4. sadly dude, men hardly ever buy drinks for anybody in this town, prefering instead to root around in their purses like Mr Bean rather than pay an extra 2Kc more than they should.

    Bloody lame arse poor teachers. Buy a round or get a proper job.

    coco    Apr 4, 09:28    #
  5. Most hucksters aren’t English teachers, though I wouldn’t call inept grifting a proper job…

    And I kinda take offence to what you have to say about men buying drinks – I’ve always been a perfect gentleman when it comes to that… well, after I stopped teaching English.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with teaching English in this town, as long as it’s not a means of ducking responsibility.

    Patrick    Apr 4, 10:32    #